Life has its challenges. Why not lean on a coach to help walk you through the process of discovering how to overcome life’s challenges? Coaches are not just for sports but are available to help us navigate life with the good, the bad, and the challenging. It is simply people helping people navigate life.

During the summer of 2023 I found out the challenges of living in another country that has its own culture, language and way of life. It was during one of my regular scheduled one-hour evening sessions this past summer that I focused on discovering my personal style of navigating the daily challenges with living in Korea. The coaching session was not looking back into the past to determine what worked. It was not about listening to the coach about how they would deal with the situation. I didn’t have to hear about what different educators or philosophers said about the experience. Instead, it was about personal discovery on how to navigate living in this country. This discovery process that I worked through allowed me to take ownership to my own actions and behaviors through a battery of questions focused on the present and even future oriented. The majority of the questions I was asked had to do with the who, what, when and where of the topic I brought up that evening. I was not asked any yes or no questions, and I didn’t have to explain any of the rationale behind my thinking with why questions. I wasn’t even required to discuss or respond to any questions that made me uncomfortable. If I wanted, I could even completely change the topic of discussion with no resistance at all from the coach. By the end of the session I had talked through various scenarios and options that could help navigate future challenges with living in Korea.

Weekly I met with my coach where I was able to bring a personal topic that I wanted to work on. It didn’t have to be a topic I worked on previously. It didn’t even have to be related to anything I previously discussed. The coach was always flexible and willing to help me to work through whatever challenge was on my mind. I would spend the week thinking about topics I wanted to discuss with my coach. To assist with recalling the information, I used my phone’s notes app to notate the topics of interest. The topic list was quite fluid and often changed throughout the week. There were times when I had 30 topics of interest to work on with my coach. These topics were professional and personal, positive and negative. Topics I included were:

• Living in Korea

• Career development

• Parenting

• Electronics usage

• Purchasing a car

• Relationships with colleagues

• Medical concerns

This year I was offered the opportunity to obtain my coaching certification which included 125 hours training. As part of the certification process, I was personally coached for 25 hours. I am now a certified coach available to provide coaching to others.

What is coaching?

Coaching is the process of using questions to assist individuals with discovering options in overcoming challenges and working through life circumstances. The job of the coach is to ask thought probing questions that direct you in to discovering your own answers. Making you accountable and responsible for the outcomes. The questions are directly related to the topic of discussion. There is no preset questions crafted by the coach as it is strongly discouraged, and would not provide the level of individual care needed to assist individuals through the process.. Questions are very specific to the topic being discussed. Coaches use questions that begin with what, who, when, and where to allow the opportunity for individuals to dig deep and self-discover personal paths forward to the topic brought for discussion.

Coaching can last anywhere from a single session up to a recommended 12 weeks. Sessions will typically last up to about an hour. However, depending on the individuals needs and availability, these session lengths can be shorted to a few minutes and often dependent on the current situation or topic being discussed. The frequency of the sessions could be every week or every other week, but is again dependent on the needs of the individual.

Is Coaching Therapy?

The short answer is no. Coaching is not therapy. Let’s take a moment to compare the different styles of support available. The following terms may be used interchangeably, but there is a significant difference between them all. The short answer is no. Coaching is not therapy. Let’s take a moment to compare the different styles of support available. The following terms may be used interchangeably, but there is a significant difference between them all.

• Therapy and Counseling: This type of support is typically provided by a licensed individual that has over six or more years of educational background. Depending on the state and location will determine what level of education and licensure is required. Therapy and counseling can often look into a person’s past experiences and use diagnosis to provide treatment. These licensed professionals often provide guidance to the individual on what behaviors or changes to adjust.

• Mentoring: This type of support is not necessarily licensed or certified, and can be informal or formally assigned. However, a mentor will use their personal past experiences to assist with providing an individual with guidance and support on how to proceed forward.

• Coaching: Coaching is a question-based approach that helps individuals discover and change their own personal actions and behaviors. A coach will not provide advice or offer assistance by sharing their own experiences.

What is the cost?

This is a broad question, and it will boil down to who you ask! You can find it for no cost or you can spend your entire paycheck on a coaching session. There are various entities available through the military or your agency that are no cost to you.

How do I find the right coach?

It would be nice if one size fits all. However, you may need to explore, interview and try different coaches to find the best fit. All coaches should be trained to ask questions that help you do self-discovery. However, there are the human factors that may impact your ability to address personal factors. Here are a few factors to consider in finding a coach.

• Experience: There are coaches with different levels and years of experience that may impact the discussion. Furthermore, experience may have more to do with job, life, family and other circumstances that you may naturally have a greater trust towards with the information you choose to discuss during the sessions.

• Availability: Consider what your work or life schedule looks like in comparison to the coaches. You will most likely need to find someone that is available when you are.

• Interests: This is probably an obvious one for everyone, but finding someone with similar interests to you may help with the flow of the conversation.

• Topics: There are times where you may find that coaches may only focus in specific areas such as work, family, sports, or health. There are other coaches that may focus on any topic of interest.

Looking for the right coach may require you to interview the individual. Asking questions about their experiences, availability and interests are perfectly fine and will help to determine if they are a right fit for you. Not to worry, a coaches feelings will not be hurt if you believe the fit is not good. It is better to find this out early in the process rather then getting too invested. Another approach may be asking the coach to provide you with their biography or personal overview. This will tell you a lot about the individual.

What if I don’t like my coach?

A coach relationship is not permanent. They understand that like any other relationship, they don’t all work out. You may not discover this until after a few sessions and the sooner you bring it up the sooner you will be able to find another coach to assist you.

Is it confidential?

Yes and no. A certified coach will not share outside the conversation what was discussed unless there is the discussion of harming self, others, or pertinent information is shared that is required to be shared with necessary authorities. It is the responsibility of the coach to keep the conversation confidential. Most coaches will not even take notes during or from the discussion and leave it to the individual to recall what was discussed during prior sessions. Most coaches will have you acknowledge or sign an agreement regarding the information shared in the sessions and how and when it can be shared outside of the discussion between you and them.

How do I know if I am ready?

It is better to have a coach and not one, then to need one and not have one. You won’t know until you know. If you are unsure or unclear on whether to invite a coach into your life, the chances are you need one and will appreciate the opportunity to have someone help you in your personal discovery process.

How do I find a coach?

There are multiple resources available in the area to assist you with finding a coach. Consider the following:

• Ask your command whether they have a coaching program

• Drop by your Military and Family Support Center

• Search the web for certified coach finder

• I am also available to provide coaching at no cost by contacting sjherber@hotmail.com.