Dear Auntie Gigi: Shy men, getting ghosted and zori confusion

Auntie Gigi (Illustration courtesy of The Guam Guide)

Auntie Gigi has been around to know everyone’s business — and she’s got notes. She’s not here to spare your feelings.

Shy Men

Dear Auntie Gigi,

I really like this lady but I’m shy to tell her. I’m a good man with a kind heart. Hard working, loyal and a fantastic cooker. What should I do?

- ShyGuy

Dear ShyGuy,

If you’re kind, loyal and hard-working, you’re already hotter than a fresh tray of shrimp patties. But what good is it if you’re just sitting there like a shy lumpia, all wrapped up with your feelings inside?

Now, before you go confessing your love like some K-drama, you better make sure she’s single. This is Guam, babe. The last thing you want is to catch beef with her egu partner or end up on the wrong side of someone’s jealous baby daddy. Ask around. Check the Instagram tags.

If she’s in the clear, be real but keep it simple. And if words fail you... cook her something that’ll do the talking for you.

Ghosted

Dear Auntie Gigi,

A guy I was dating used to text me every day, always wanted to hang out, and even brought me to a family gathering...but now he’s gone quiet. He says he’s just “busy with work and the kids.” Am I overthinking this?

- Bummed in Barrigada

Dear Bummed,

He’s not busy nen. That man is 100% back with his baby mama. You didn’t get ghosted, you got recycled, hon. The second she made tinaktak and did his laundry, he sprinted back.

Don’t Call Them Flip Flops

Dear Auntie Gigi,

Why does everyone wear zoris everywhere here? Also, I didn’t even know what zories meant until recently. Everywhere else, we call them flip flops or slippers.

- Zori Not Sorry

Dear Zori Not Sorry,

Welcome to Guam, where zoris are part of our national identity. Weddings? Zoris. DMV line? Zoris with socks if you’re fancy. Your “flip flops” are just for the beach. Ours are formal, casual, funeral-approved, fiesta-tested footwear. It’s called versatility, babe. You think we’re gonna shove our toes in sneakers when it’s 95 degrees outside with 1,000% humidity? Now go get yourself a good pair from the mall and wear them with pride. But please, lotion your heels first.

Submit Qs here.