()
Being aware of your emotions is called emotional intelligence. You don’t need a therapist or long-term therapy to gain self-understanding. Just pay attention to yourself. Your thinking is attached to your values. Your values are attached to your beliefs. How you behave in the world is determined by your beliefs.
Sometimes our beliefs can get us into trouble. Like being on a diet but justifying eating a few slices of pizza. Beliefs and values are like tires, they wear out. What was true 25 years ago, might not be true today. Accepting your beliefs at face value can prevent you from seeing situations as they really are. I have always struggled with my weight. But struggling in my mind about how much junk food I can eat and still lose weight is an endless battle unless I commit to a specific health plan. The decision to get healthy was clear cut. To achieve it was tough.
Transform yourself today. Transform your fears into strength, your confusion into clarity, your judgments into love. Transform your thoughts into action, your ideas into reality. Come into your own. Own all that is yours. Be your own person. Listen to yourself. Grow where you are planted. It took a long time for me to realize this, when I did, I started jogging. Lucky for me, I was in Alaska at the time, and jogging in pristine nature, with crisp, clean air, was wonderful. I just wanted to keep running.
Life can be scary. While in Alaska, I lost 100 pounds in one year. My mom did not recognize me when I rang the door-bell. She asked for my I.D. card: shocked, she wanted to cook dinner and fatten me up. When my mother didn’t recognize me, I knew my fate was altered. I had dramatically changed my appearance. We all have a life script. Live your fate: fate is a process that continues to emerge. The art of life is trial and error. The pain of life is the tax paid for participating in life.
To manage your inner journey of self-discovery, remember the three Rs: Recover, Refocus, Regenerate. Recover - Take small breaks; Refocus - Look at the big picture: look at the doughnut, not the hole; Regenerate: Rest, talk with friends. Ask yourself: What am I telling myself? What am I not doing? What do I have to do? What are my true intentions? Is my attitude getting in the way? Life is about practicing being a humane human being. Practice. Be nice to yourself first.
The three main stabilizing factors in life are: Hobby, Work, and Relationships. Relationships were my biggest challenge. I spent a lot of time alone. Then I had to ask myself, “Am I happy, or do I just have moments of happiness?” Peace of mind comes from within us, it is not determined by people, places or things.
If you are able to get out of bed and feed yourself, it’s a good day. I spent months in a hospital, and when I finished weeks of rehab and feebly walked outdoors into the fresh air, I was so happy and grateful to be alive. I don’t complain any more, I truly hunt for the good stuff in life. Life is filled with challenges. Fight back.
Keep a positive frame of mind. Act “as if” change is happening all the time. Keep track of what thoughts are racing through your head. Write down your stress or tension breeding factors. Next to each stress factor write down how you deal with it. Then mark the responses that don’t work well. Then come up with new ways to respond. It takes strength to deal with difficulties.
When I was lying in the hospital bed, immobilized, staring at the ceiling with five tubes in me; I was just beside myself, alone, filled with self-pity and anger. I was trying to figure out what was the meaning of my situation. What was I supposed to be learning from this horrible experience?
Human events have consequences, but small changes lead to larger changes. Focus on solutions and positives. Take your fears and keep walking on the path of life straight “fear-ward.”
Your choices determine your development. We cannot choose not to choose. Indecision is a decision. Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from life. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of your life. Growth choices mean you have to change.
What’s required from us is the H.O.W. method. Honesty with our feelings; Openness to feedback; a Willingness to change. Life is a challenge. Yet, you actually end up achieving your dreams by conquering your greatest fears. Remember, one step, one moment, then the next step and its moment. Never lose H.O.P.E. aka Hold On Pain Ends.
Amazon/Kindle: ASIN:B01N6J6XD9
Increasing Emotional Intelligence: Recipes for Personal Growth
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hilary Valdez is a retiree living in Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at www.hilaryvaldez.com or at InstantInsights@hotmail.com.
