(Hilary Valdez)
Self-limits are imposed by habit. Some bad habits are connected to a negative self-image. It is difficult achieve personal growth past your own negative self-image, but it is possible. A lot of guys walk around with automatic thoughts. In other words, they respond to situations by habit. They have not developed additional insights to try new behaviors.
It’s safe to say that many people do not have total insight into themselves. Yet at some point in life, each man has to replace outmoded values and replace them with more effective ones. The difficult part of this process is honestly assessing what you have to offer as a man while taking a serious inventory of your behavior in a relationship. The old symbols for manliness don’t fit the new millennium. If you are out of synch with yourself, you will be out of synch in your relationship.
Are your habits helping or hurting you?
Some guys get trapped by their own structure. If you have a poor self-concept, then you will not have the self-confidence necessary to excel or go past your comfort zone. A lot of guys get trapped in the male-box holding onto traditional and outdated ideas about manhood. These are beliefs, values and messages that were taught to boys growing up about how to be a man. Some of these beliefs are conflicting with confusing negative messages given to boys as to what, not-to-do and what-to-do, to be a man.
Essentially, each person must recover from their childhood and life itself. When you delay making choices that can improve your relationship and life, you are choosing to keep it the same. You need courage to be the new you.
When is it a good time to conduct a psychological autopsy of yourself and assess your psychological awareness, mental strengths, weaknesses, attitudes, and resilience that you inherited from your parents? The difficult part of this process is honestly assessing what you have to offer as a man while taking a serious inventory of your behavior in a relationship. The meaning you attribute to your life will determine your behavior. Giving cold pricklies or avoiding your own feelings and the feelings of others is displaying a lack of responsiveness to another person’s warm fuzzies or genuine responses and love toward you. Verbal intimacy is a major factor in continuing a healthy and satisfying relationship.
Guys who talk and express themselves live longer because they’re not all bottled up inside. If you are carrying a suitcase filled with psychological baggage, dump it. Release old fears and habits. If you have bad habits and resentments, admit them. What made you hold on to them for so long? Let them go. Are your habits helping you or hurting you? Do your habits and feelings go back to your childhood? If so, time to re-boot. Old values wear out, just like tires. You are entitled to be disappointed or depressed, but not forever. You are responsible for your happiness and pleasure. If you can’t be friends with your mate and share your secrets and sorrow, then you have the wrong mate. Don’t confuse sex with intimacy. True intimacy is allowing yourself to be psychologically and emotionally vulnerable and truthful with your mate. Men and women need skin-ship: the need for human touch and affection. All of us need emotional fulfillment.
A growth need is an inner yearning that needs to be satisfied to gain personal or professional advancement. Do you have a personal development goal? Do you look at your personal development negatively? Unproductive habits can be changed. Discipline is the key. Volunteer to help yourself. Finding purpose involves creating goals. Once you break bad habits you begin to feel healthy. Being healthy means feeling secure and cooperative. Be patient with yourself. Love requires action. Change occurs slowly in close relationships. Small change leads to larger changes. Focusing on solutions and possibilities, helps change in the desired direction. If nothing seems to be working, try another way, experiment. Act as if change is happening all the time. Put on your happy face. Each man can be loveable and capable of love. Love begins within you … love and appreciate your existence. Be grateful.
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Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email. Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
